This week has been a little rough for the two of us...Sedona has been a little crankier than normal (i'm not sure why, but she's a baby so it's her prerogative, I guess?!) and I have been struggling with a few things that I'd rather not go on and on about on here. Let's just say, not every day is "blissful" motherhood like so many young moms try to portray. Anyway....yesterday I decided that Sedona and I needed to get out! We need to do something OTHER than run our regular errands and the other "regular" things we do everyday.
So, after a morning of a few failed nap attempts, I gave in. I threw in the towel on the whole nap thing and we jumped in the car and drove to down-town Norman. It's a really cute and fun college town with a lot of character and a fun atmosphere. There just happens to be a Diner on Main St that was featured on Food Network's show "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives." It is called: The Diner. Clever, right? Anyway, it has really strange hours and we got there just in time for the last shift before closing time at 2pm.
They are featured for their Chili and their Blueberry Pancakes. It was 80F outside so I wasn't "feeling" chili, and I had to have something Sedona would share with me and she hates pancakes. Go figure. I chose the Mushroom Swiss Burger because she likes red meat and mushrooms and french fries. The service was awesome and the people there were so friendly! They brought her a coloring sheet and crayons, a little toy car, and a basket of fries BEFORE the burger! She was in heaven...thus, so was I ;-)
This burger was D-LISH!!
After lunch, we headed for Target and the shopping that is available around it. Here she is, just moments before a random and totally strange sobbing fit in TJMaxx...I was "that" Mom. uhg...next store, please.
We took off and went to ULTA, where she threw yet another uncontrollable fit, which she stopped quite promptly after walking out the doors of the store. I had to go into Sally Beauty supply and grab a few necessary items for my hair and the fit-throwing began yet again as soon as we walked in. I grabbed my few items, ignoring the stares and whispers, purchased my items and left the store. Totally frustrated. I just want to feel like a "normal" person for just one day!! Oh my goodness...
We got home and tried another nap...epic fail. At this point, I really am wondering why some people have nothing but positive things to say about motherhood...I'm thinking, "they are all liars!"
Instead of napping, we wrestled. She loved it! Her giggle, her smile, her happy little twinkle in her eyes...she is just so cute. And suddenly, everything was right in the world.
I do love being a Mother, I really do. I love that she loves me so much that she cries when I leave. I love that she needs me and sometimes prefers me over so many other things. I love that she is all mine and that she calls ME "Mama". It's just that sometimes I wish more moms were more honest about the things they REALLY go through in a day. I wish I didn't feel guilty for confessing my frustrations. I wish I didn't feel so alone when I see other Moms looking like they have it all together and I feel like such a mess.
Even after all those wishes, I also wish other women knew what a blessing it is to be a Mom. To give up mind, body, and soul to bring these little miracles into the world and teach them and love them and help them to see their worth. I wish other women knew how rewarding it can be to think about another little person before thinking about themselves. And most of all, my heart aches for women who have the same wishes I do and struggle to have the chance. There are no words to comfort, strengthen, or help them know they are STILL "Mothers."
On Sunday, to ALL women around the world: Happy Mother's Day!!
3 comments:
Violet, we seriously think the same. I just have to laugh reading your posts because you describe how I'm feeling most of the time! Motherhood is amazing and wonderful and such a blessing but it isn't always peaches and cream. I think I had a total misconception about how it would be since like you said, you just hear how perfect it is. It is definitely harder than I thought it would be but also way rewarding. Thanks for sharing your feelings because honestly I feel the same way!! By the way, our girls seem to have a lot of the same personality. Independent and divas! Love it!
I hear ya, girl! Seriously, I *love* my kiddos, but I feel the same sometimes! I'm definitely NOT the type of mom content on staying at home with the kids everyday. But I couldn't just work full time at this point either. It's an inbetween for me. For most of my motherhood, I've taken at least one college class per semester (minus the ones where I've actually given birth!), which has kept me partially sane! I'm sure it's hard for you moving and not having steady friends/family close by, but you really should try to figure out something that you want to do (or at least that keeps you sane...school sometimes isn't exactly the most fun for me, but I get some adult interaction and use my brain a bit!) and SCHEDULE it and set babysitters up! You need YOU time :) I SO wish we lived closer to each other because even though we didn't "grow up" together, I feel like you're one of my "closest" cousins! Love you, Violet and can't wait to see you (and everyone!) next summer!!!
Sometimes people's lack of 'honesty' of what goes on in a day isn't really trying to cover the hard things up, but just trying to focus more on the positive. I find that if I talk about those things too much (the fits, the fighting, the boredom that comes with playing Candyland 25 times in one day), that is where I find my heart and mind dwelling. The great glimpses into their soul, the tiny connections between parent and child are the great moments that keep you going between a lot of the slogging around with the mundane stuff. I want to be a happy Mom and look back on these little kid years with a lot of joy and nostalgia, so I try really hard to dwell on the happy moments. (Easier said than done though, really- I find myself unloading in my journal quite often or calling a sister to threaten to send a child to them). The only reason I offer this comment is just so you know that not everyone who doesn't comment about all the hard stuff doesn't think its hard, we all just find a myriad of ways to deal with it so that it doesn't become the center of our child rearing.*
*Not to imply at all that you do:). Just realized that sentence was coming out weird.
Post a Comment